I think it's about time to explain the reason why I've been inactive lately
I don't really know how to put all of it cause there are a lot of things but well... I'll try...
I've been getting pressure from my family to make money since we're going through some financial problems. I don't mean to make them look bad but I'm mostly talking about my dad, mom never asks me for money at all. I swear I love my dad and I want to help him, but he has no job right now and he's been telling me he wants to start his own business since a few months ago... but of course he needs money to do so, he needs me
to get that money for him.
At first I was alright with that and I told him I could get it within a month or two of working in commissions (because you guys, and those who commission me are wonderful, I've practically made this my job and that's how my family sees it). But sadly after some time making commissions I've had no time to draw stuff for myself, which has gotten me really dismotivated, sad and stressed.
Why don't I just take a break? Well, the answer is very simple: money
. I need the money to live and pay my studies, my circumstances don't allow me to get a different job at the moment and even if I did, jobs in my town don't pay too well... we're talking about 10 dollars a day if we're lucky, but the basic salary is much lower than that.
This is why commissions are a blessing for me, I seriously couldn't ask for a better job, so I always try my best with every single drawing I make, I feel grateful with my commissioners. But if you're an artist you will understand that you can't always draw exclusively for others, you need to experiment, create, have fun
with it... not only do it cause you'd be starving if you didn't, right? I want to make things for myself, and that's what dad doesn't understand. I've tried to explain how I felt to him, but he kept telling me the same thing over and over again: "You have to change the way you see this. This is a job, not a hobby, it's not something you do for fun" ... And he might be right in a way... but I don't think it's bad to do something you enjoy every now and then too. Yet he expects me to be working all the time.
Such a small thing became an intense arguing to the point I just locked myself in my room and started crying. I know he is frustrated because he wants to start his own business and I haven't given him the money I promised, also mom was about to divorce him because she's the one bringing money for food to the house and he's been doing nothing since he came back like half year ago. He says he's stuck, he needs that money. But it's a lot for me to handle considering I need money for school and bills too (AND the fact my vision is deteriorating every day bit by bit from staring at the screen for long periods of time). I think he should get a job and help us too, it's his obligation as the head of the family, but then again once he does that, I have to be taking care of my nephew instead of him, since my sister (nephew's mom) works all day I will most likely take her place. Which is also frustating because that's not my obligation either, that will definitely lead me to an argument with her eventually.
It's just a lot of stuff going on that has been worrying me and giving me too many artblocks and lack of sleep. On top of that, I've already reached the point to where I don't enjoy drawing sonic characters anymore... I thought it was only for fan characters because I've been doing a lot of those instead of official ones, hence why I opened official characters commissions but... it turned out that drawing sonic in general has been tiring. Just WHY now for the first time in YEARS I don't enjoy drawing Sonic at all?! Just when I need it the most?
So I've been considering to open different kinds of commissions: Human, anime, anthro and furry commissions. I seriously need something different. I'm not saying I stopped liking Sonic or that I will never draw him again, I just really really really need a break
, once I finish the commissions I owe (I'm being slow with them because of the artblock, but I'm getting there). I've also thought about opening a Patreon account or "Buy me a coffee" thingy but I feel bad for those kind of things because asking others for money/help is not my thing... But I'm kind of desperate. So... I want to ask, would you like to support me? I don't mind if it's 1 dollar a month or less... ANYTHING would be greatly appreciated. Even if you can't support me this way it means a lot already for me that you look at my drawings, fave, give a comment, watch, etc. I already love you for that, I'd like to hear your opinion though, is it best to make a patreon or a buy me a coffee?
Now that I brought up that topic I want to say thanks publicy to this wonderful person here:
She saved my life by kindly donating quite a generous amount and it's for that reason that I haven't lost it yet lol. I got a break at last thanks to her, you're absolutely wonderful momma
And wow... I did write a lot here... thanks a lot for your time if you read the whole journal ^^
I will try my best to be more productive soon
I hope you have a wonderful week too! See ya!